Yield for Tractor

Another prayer for clarity
That we might all come to see
Our present death
As fertile ground
Instead
And though this trope wears thin
There will be nothing cliche
About who you are
When you arise
From your own grave
Today

This was pure imagination, but not all my own. My wife and I had been tasked to give some art instruction to a friend’s daughter as part of an independent study art class she was in at her local high school. You have to know one thing- I am not a very good teacher.
I had to wrack my brain to come up with teacherly things to have her work on, one of which was to come up with a painting with a clearly defined foreground, midground, and background. I’ve heard other artists talk about this and thought it sounded pretty legit. So she comes in with a simple sketch of a grassy foreground meadow with a dirt path and post-and-rail fence, a midground of a sloping headland, and a background of another distant sloping headland.
All I could think was how these points would be firing on the right swell. Long lefts forever! So being the not-so-great teacher that I was, I got all excited and had her watch while I painted and talked my way through my own version of her concept. I guess I straight up stole it? Depends on how you look at it I suppose. I could have been a good teacher and had her paint alongside me, but I kinda just wanted to paint the thing myself.
I hope she wasn’t bored off her mind, a solid hour of her and my wife sitting there chatting about the painting and asking questions while I painted and sorted out various academic solutions to achieving “atmospheric perspective” and such art teachery sounding things. Like a bad Bob Ross episode, only longer without the edits. But as with much of my art, I was mostly just daydreaming about the waves I wanted to see lining up down these points.
We finished up, I was stoked, everyone was relieved it was over, and the next week she came back to paint her own version. I really can’t say if watching me had helped her much or not.
Art is funny like that. I’ve mostly noticed artists just do what they do, how they do it, and while it’s interesting to see how others approach similar subjects, none of us really care all that much once we have a brush in our hand.

When we’re young and in love, we can ignore all the demands of the world in favor of one afternoon alone with our loved one, while the entire world becomes small enough to rest in the shade of a single beach umbrella.
If you know my art, you know I’m usually drawn to higher ground with sweeping views of an entire coastline, often stretching for miles into eternity, or the horizon, whichever comes first.
So a quiet, intimate, beach level moment where love unfolds in a single cove of sand nestled between the sculpted forms of sandstone cliffs and calm and playful sea, well, it’s a bit different for me.
It’s a fairly simple painting, and it was the simplicity itself that was the challenge.
But for my friend who proposed to his wife here at this spot, this isn’t just a simple scene. For him, in that moment, the whole world came to rest under the shade of that umbrella.

The poppies and buckwheat bloom
Little fires that have jumped the hearth
Right out from the sun itself
Scattering our world alight
Illuminating our path
And the dust we kick up
Reminds us where we come from
As it settles on our skin
A mourning dew
Of leftover ash
Reminding us of where we’ll go
Only in the presence of fire
Do we truly see one another

There is something primordial about staring into the blackness of the deep. A sense of heightened awareness is stirred because, well, mostly because monsters. So we feel safer in shallow waters where we can see with all certainty that no such monsters lurk. And yet if the ocean is really moving its the shallows with thier unmoving rocks that become dangerous and the safety of deep water is what we strive for. In either case, clear water is helpful.
So it also is in the ocean of our minds. There’s times we need to go deep, and times to rest in the shallows. It depends on the turbulence we face. And just like the ocean, a little clarity is always helpful.
This series is a prayer for clarity for us all.
I think.
It gets murky sometimes.

Our bodies are made of rocks, sand, and clay. Veins of metal pulse beneath. Mining operations are blood transfusions that keep the gods on life support. Our spirits disturbed, distant storms, fueled by the heat of life-giving fire, translates the language that created the first world into the depths of our subconsciousness, reverberating in pulses of groundswell that interact with these earthen bodies and take on surprising forms, a rhythm of highs and lows, at turns chaos, at turns sublimely beautiful.
And when the storm is distant? And when the local rainfall subsides, and our bodies are no longer awash with spiritual grief of the present moment? When those creeks slow to a trickle and run clear to the sea? And when those subconscious depths relax for a season, and the murky sediments drop to the seabed and find rest?
That is when we know clarity. That is when we can stand centered in our bodies, and look through our spirit, and into the depth of our subconscious life, and see the strange and beautiful creatures that swim the depths there.
When conditions align just so, and a distant storm unseen sends its forerunners into the crystal clear coves and bays, we can see the dance in whole new ways. We can see the stars in the bright blue sky, and we can see reefs beneath the waves, and we can see the groundswells approach with a clarity unmatched.
That is when we stand there in the shallows, observing the interplay of life upon our bodies, hypnotized by the beauty within us, and next thing you know, we’re smashed into the rocks, gulping for air, our swim trunks blown right off in the explosion and we wash ashore awkwardly, sometimes bleeding, naked, and laughing.
Life is beautiful. Carry on.

Back in 2020 I painted a dark stormy shorepound painting as a response to the mayhem we were all living through. It struck a chord with many, I think because in spite of the darkness there was a certain beauty in it as well. A few years later, when a collector asked for a similar rendition, it didn’t turn out quite so dark. If I were asked for one now, I’m not sure what would happen.
We live in different times today. Even the beaches that inspired these paintings have changed. What was once a short berm to hop down from the dunes to the beach sand below has become a 15 foot vertical precipice of sand for what feels like miles in either direction. We entered at a low spot and walked south for a good stretch on the low tide.
My wife and I watched our two youngest make sport on a dare of scrambling up the vertical wall and throwing themselves off the ledge over and over. Weightless they flew, occasionally even flapping their arms in delightful giddiness as they fell like stones into the soft sand below, occasionally toppling awkwardly feet over head and again when gravity’s momentum got the better of their balance.
I pray their experience of this world that is becoming far more difficult for many among us, will still be something they can always find beauty in. And one thing I am certain of- their joy wasn’t just in the playful act of cliff diving into soft sand, it was in the act of doing so with each other. Laughing at each other. Pushing each other onward. Surprising each other with entirely new ways to look goofy when falling in midair.
I’ve never been more convinced that the greatest joy we can find in this life is just to be with the ones who are with us.

Over 4 miles of hiking with a large canvas and all my gear, risking the tide, trusting these unstable cliffs to hold a few more hours towering over my head. A game of Russian Roulette with sedimentary geology, all in the name of beauty and solitude. I found it here that day, and some might even call it peaceful. I considered it more of Gravitational Truce.

Nobody home
Just kidding
Everybody is home
We all live here
Our feet in the sand
Reminds us of what we’re made of
Mostly anyway
Mostly made of earth
But some of us are also made of fish tacos
And if I tell the truth here
I must say I’ve spent more time
Eating fish tacos at the Brigantine
(a nearby PCH corner establishment)
Than I have on this beach
I’m also not too proud
To shamelessly boast
That a few large canvas prints of mine
(different images, not this one)
Grace the walls
As you walk into the restaurant
And I think that is really rather something
Considering all of the amazing artists
Who live here
And paint these shores
In their own amazing ways
(and many of whom I have shared
many a happy hour with
consuming said fish tacos
and pints of beer
at that very same establishment)
But I ramble
The point I was trying to make
Is that even when I am painting
A piece of coast
With an empty lifeguard tower
And the mother of all stairways
While the tide nearly washes
My easel to sea
And the good fellow
Who commissioned this painting
Is standing by
With a frisbee
and a cooler bag
Full of cold beers
And the sand between my toes
Reminds me once again
Of who I am
And what a joy it is
To live here with all of you
(yes, you)
Well…
Wait, what was the point of this?
I forget…
Nobody home
Let’s meet for tacos
Soon

It’s not always intentional
When humanity is erased
When strip malls and donut shops
Are leveled in the blink of an eye
When paved roads are pulverized
Back to rutted earth
Without a second thought
I don’t mean to do this
In my haste
I get sloppy
And the brush doesn’t seem to care
One bit how I or anyone else feels about it
Scrussh schrushh schrurush it goes
Across the canvas
The quiet sound
Of a time machine
Setting the landscape back
At least a hundred years

This was a lot of fun to paint, and waaaay out of my comfort zone. If you know my work, you know what I mean. I’m a lot more comfortable painting rocks and trees inaccurately than I am doing the same injustices to the human form, but there they were, pouring themselves into their music for us only a few feet away. What could I do? I did my best. And this is where it landed.
It’s especially meaningful to me as I’ve painted at live events while dozens, possibly hundreds of musicians have played nearby, but never a group of musicians I’ve known as long as these guys. Usually I just paint whatever I feel like, flowing water, waves, etc, but today I felt like painting these guys while they did their thing. Our friendships go back over 25 years, long before, they played music together, before they formed Huckleberry Flint and proceeded to sell out shows. Long before two of them got the wild idea to figure out how to make chocolate from scratch and winning awards and selling chocolate all over the world as Dick Taylor Craft Chocolates. They even hired my oldest daughter and now she always smells like chocolate, and if we shake her hard enough, little bits of chocolate fall out of the hems in her shirt, and we laugh and make cookies. So yeah, this wasn’t just a painting of a band, this painting is a snapshot in time of friendships that have been forged over a lifetime.

Will this be your first?
That was my stupid question for them
I’m not very good at this
They were really quite beautiful together
A perfect young couple
Watching another southern California sunset
From the edge of crumbling cliff
Over the mirror of the sea
Clearly expecting
A green flash
I’d just finished painting the scene
And drinking 3 beers
That’s not exactly the usual
During the course of a painting
But friends had joined me today
And it sometimes goes that way
Words of wisdom
Spoken by an old friend:
“Nothing is better than a two beer buzz”
Truth
It doesn’t get better
Only more difficult
To ask the right questions
This child would not be their first
Or their second
Or third
I don’t remember now
But it was maybe their ninth
Or thirteenth
A number enough to make you wonder
If they were much, much older than they looked
So I asked if it was true
That it got easier after the third child
They said absolutely
3 is the hardest
After that it gets easier and easier
As they start to raise each other
That’s how they could leave the other 8 or maybe 12 behind
And relax into the sunset here tonight
The team was on top of it at home
Building themselves some dang quesadillas
I’d only had three kids
The most challenging number
Now verified
My folks had three
And I was the last of them
Same for my wife
And I can confirm
That we are two of the most difficult people
You’ll ever meet
Aside from my mom
Who was the first of two
And was the pinnacle
Of difficulty
She recently walked off into the sunset
I said my goodbyes
Through salty tears
She told me to get off her cloud
So with my feet planted back on the ground
Beside the mother and father
Of a small nation beside me
And a setting sun before me
I don’t remember
If there was a green flash or not
But I knew that my three kids at home
And these three beers on the edge of this cliff
It was enough for me

We met when we were older, when we had more swagger, and we stood a little closer to the throne.
But we had a falling out between us, we’re artists, and we’re awkward, this is widely known.
The fault was all mine, that’s what I’ve been told, but it could have been yours and yours alone.
Years went past, we lost too much, loved ones, and our youth, a wife, and a home.
There’s no point blaming each other now, we’re brothers, and anyway, our conflict was overblown.
So today we stand here side by side and harvest the morning colors from the intertidal zone.
This was the shore that shaped your soul, the same but different to the one that shaped my own.
So at noon oh two and not a minute later we’ll drink down our beers and let our differences sink like a stone.
I could go on about it but the next beer’s getting warm and we’re near the end of this poem.
By night we’re half-drunk on the edge of a cliff, what the hell and how far can our troubles be thrown.
So I’ll leave it at this, you clear-eyed disaster and paint flinging bastard, my respect for you it has grown.
It’s not a secret at all, it’s friendship, it’s clear, like gin in a jar, so drink deep and don’t go it alone.
*Dedicated to my buddy Spencer Reynolds, who showed me this spot and brought the beers.
Chains of oppression
Forged of human weakness
Masquerade as strength
Behind machines
With a thousand different ways
To spill blood
A chain of command
Sends a child
To destroy a town
That could have been his own
And it may just break that child
Or may by him be broken
He stands beside the caravan
Shaking beneath the weight
Of what he’s about to do
To the city that rises
Like flames
Beyond the rolling hills
He’s been told they have strayed
Lost their way
And need this show of power
To be brought back to the fold
United again
He believes
In better days ahead
But his body is weak
From hunger
And he remembers his home
His grandmother
Strength masquerading as weakness
Her kitchen full of the aroma
Of fresh baked bread
And her frail arms
That could hold the whole world
Or just him
And him alone
Above her table hung an embroidery
“Give us this day our daily bread”
That would bounce crooked on its nail
Every time he ran out the backdoor
And down the wood steps
Into the rolling hills
Beyond
Standing on this hill now
He’s suddenly struck
Not by bullets
But by the memory
Of his grandmother’s voice
Speaking softly over him
Of the Shepherd that leaves
The flock to save one lost sheep
And in one final act
Of holy defiance
He drains the fuel reserves
And watches the river
Spill its bloody rainbow
Into the roadside ditch
Before he looks to the sky
Lays down his rifle
And walks slowly
Into the rolling hills
Beyond
Where he waits
For their bullets
To carry him home
The chain of command
Has broken this child
But for him
And him alone
The chains that once bound him
Have been broken forever
In that roadside ditch
Where they lie
—

Sure, this was inspired by reports of young Russian soldiers abandoning their posts in Ukraine, but it could also be about any soldier finding themselves caught between obeying orders and taking innocent lives. Or any of us caught in that awful space between what is expected and what is right.
When I came across this painting by Konstantin Korovin, a Russian Impressionist from the late 1800’s, it struck me as a beautiful reminder that even though war is inevitable, we all look up at the same sky and ultimately only war against ourselves.
Let mercy be the rule.
We talk a lot these days
About the Endings
Put your boots on
When you enter the kitchen
And step carefully
Through broken china
Sometimes the Ending
Is only a burnt tortilla
With the face
Of Jesus
But mostly
We talk of the Endings
In low tones
Fearing the unknown
We speak of lives lost
And suffering to come
As if these things
Aren’t just variations
In the rhythm
And the beat
Goes on
Maybe we can only know
Some tragedies
Of the Endings
After they’re over
Through songs left unsung
And artwork left unfinished
And books left unwritten
The collective works
Of broken souls
In burned out mobile homes
That would have let the rest of us know
That we aren’t alone
And that we’ll always have a home
To go back to
Damn it
The world cannot end today
We’ve still got work to do
And as much as we talk
About the Endings
We never really know
Where or when
We will see
God’s face
Again

When two bodies collide
There will always be
A fault line to find
In you or in me
But not now
For today we are lovers
Folded one around the other
Cliffs and chasms
Metamorphic
And sedimentary flesh
Thrust like beating hearts
Love is a precipice
We stand on the edge
And as we spill over
We fall into the wind
And rise like mountains
On the updraft
And from these higher heavens
We wonder at all the gems
Glowing like children
Pouring out from the earth
Below
Time is a water-wheel
And we’ve gone around the bend
Water spills out
And down the creek
To the oceans to the clouds
And back for another spin
Looks like we’ve got a whole new chance
To do it all over
Again
Our last turn was dripping
Into an empty room
Full of whole new ways
To put each other down
Busted neon
And a broken tune
Perfection left the practice
All in a ruin
Yet water takes the form
Of the vessels that hold it
The river is the shape of the valley
And the poem is the shape
Of the thoughts in the mind
Of the one who thunk it and told it
So we’ve got another year ahead
To take this water
And mold it
Let’s think some higher thoughts
Of garden plots
And fresh laid eggs
Or just getting along and getting by
With our feet in the dirt
And the only division
Is the line between earth and sky
Let’s hold this year’s water
In better jugs
And nicer buckets
Or even that fancy pitcher
That your grandma left to you
Yep, that one
The one that’s hard to reach
The one up in the back of the highest cabinet
The one that’s shaped like a chicken
And makes you laugh every time
It may not work at all
But it might be
Worth a try
You never really know
Who they bring along
What ghosts are riding shotgun
Talking
And drowning out the song
But everybody here
Knows that ghosts can’t swim
Cold water to them is searing heat
And anyway
They can’t even stand
A bit of sand on their feet
The ghosts just stay in the cars
Angry at the stars
And their children here below
Made of countless planets
That stick between their toes
So in the cars they wait
Grumpy
Listening to AM radio
While the real people
Laugh and play
Real smiles on real faces
Beneath a bluer sky
Better times
And better places
So linger a bit if you will
Lend that wax to the stranger
Crack those jokes
And hide those beers from the ranger
Take it easy
And take it slow
And don’t be in such a hurry to go
Because it’s never really known
Just who’s waiting for your friends
On their lonely ride home